blessings

As I sit here tonight, my sweet kids sleeping, I'm so grateful. Grateful to be a mother to 2 beautiful kids. I sat down, after the kids went down and felt sorry for myself. Ava is going through this phase where she knows exactly how to push my buttons and make me go insane, and on top of that, potty training....I'm starting to think diapers aren't all that bad. And then there's Jack, he really is a super good baby, but I'm sure most of you moms will agree, if feels as if all you do for the first 4 months is nurse, change diapers, nurse, change a diaper and clothes, and nurse again. I feel as if my house will never be clean again. I can pick it up 9 times during the day and it is still messy when Jared gets home from work, still dishes in the sink, and it's a miracles these days if I am showered before 3:00! I won't even get into the laundry (both clean and dirty) that is constantly in piles, I don't think we've had an empty hamper, all clothes clean and put away since Jack was born. I try and tell myself over and over that it doesn't matter...to be grateful there is dirty dishes in the sink to be washed, that there is dirty clothes in the hamper, be grateful for the toys strewn about the house...blah blah...but at the end of the day I still feel defeated and frustrated.
All of this random rambling really comes down to, I've been humbled tonight. We heard tonight that some college friends, who were expecting a baby, had him 17 weeks early. He lived for a week, and returned home to his Heavenly Father yesterday. It breaks my heart to think of that. I can't even imagine the heartache they are going though. But how lucky to have been chosen to be parents of that perfect little guy, all he needed was a body.
I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father has blessed me with the opportunity to be a mother. I cannot imagine what my life would be like without my kids. Listening to Ava say her prayers before she went to be tonight, is enough to make up for all the moments I wanted to pull my hair out today. And, it's ok if I sit on the couch and nurse Jack all day, they grow up so fast and you don't ever get that back. The clothes will get washed, toys put away, and the dishes will be washed, maybe not all at once, and not everyday. Being a mom is hard....but I feel like the most rewarding job out there.





It is super late (or early), I'm exhausted, but I always think about writing down my feelings in a journal and never end up doing it, and forget about it the next day, so if you are still reading this.....you're a trooper...this was just a jumble of words for my own personal journaling, so sorry if it was extra boring. I'll be back to blogging about our ridiculously exciting life soon.